Top Ten Fashion Truth or Consequences

Like all things in life, fashion has its pitfalls, its La Brea tar pits. Fall into them, and you may sink. Madam here reveals the traps that may trip.

And what gives me the authority? Well, I am a woman. I have been shopping for clothes a good 70 years and wearing them for 81 1/2. I know what the lessons are but don't always learn them. I have faced the consequences. My lovely friend DO started this ball rolling, reminding me we've all been there and misery loves company.

Ten of the most galling truths, in no particular order:

>Just because it looks good on the hanger doesn’t mean it’ll look good on you. If it looks terrible on the hanger, it may actually look good on you. This is why when you go shopping you must try everything on.

> Buy for the life you have, not the life you want to have. Too much aspiration is a bad thing! You end up with a museum of clothes that are “too good to wear.” 

> “Love the fabric” does not equal “love the garment.”

> "Love the color" does not mean you should wear it, but you can live with it. Interior decorating is fun!

> If your shoes hurt it doesn't matter what you are wearing. You will be miserable, and no matter how beautiful you look, you will feel terrible.

> Never take new shoes (or new anything for that matter) on a trip.

> Try not to wear something for the first time to a special occasion, unless it's your wedding. Since this is practically impossible to do unless cocktail hour around your house is quite the event, try on all the pieces enough times to feel very sure how everything goes, sits, moves, etc.

> If something in your closet stares you in the face as a bad buy, get rid of it. Don’t throw good money after bad. If it’s fundamentally wrong, you can’t fix it, no matter what accessories you think will save it.

> Try your new purchase on again when you get home. Things look different in your own mirror. Leave the tags on and keep the receipt handy. Buyer's remorse is debilitating, and returning can be an admission of defeat at the very least, but sometimes it's necessary. Those who work in retail do understand...to a point. Serial returners are never welcome. If you are one, you need to learn restraint.

> If you've had a really bad experience wearing a particular item of clothing, get rid of it. I know; it happened to me, and every time I looked at that shirt I remembered a Really Bad Day. While the reverse can be true as well, if you can't fit into it or it isn't part of your life anymore (hello, college sweatshirt) pack it away tenderly and carefully. Just don't keep it in your closet.

In light of all that can go wrong, don't be too hard on yourself. You'll have another chance to get dressed tomorrow.